"I just want to do bad things with carbs."

Don't we all.

Yesterday, somebody said the word "spaghetti" and I haven't stopped thinking about it since. I can almost taste it, I want it so damn bad and since I have the willpower of a gnat, I'll probably devour a plate tomorrow.  But I can, because I'll make tomorrow my "cheat" day.  That one glorious day a week I give myself to eat carbs and sugar.

*eye roll*

That's not entirely true. I baked a pan of brownies the other night after work and if they're in my house, I'm going to eat them. So yah. I've been eating a large brownie covered in a very large amount of peanut butter ice cream after my evening meal since I baked them. I'll end up eating the whole pan. And not only that, there's this:

God damn you, Breyers

And this....

How many Girl Scout cookies does one woman need? I froze 5 boxes....for later. What later? Puh-leeze. It's a miracle I have any left today and I got them a week ago. Actually, because of the damn brownies and ice cream, I do have every box in that picture still. They won't last long. I can't resist. Don't lead me to temptation....I'll stay there. 

So, yah, cheat day? How about cheat week? Or cheat month? 

But here's the thing...just because I'm failing pretty hard at keeping sugar out of my mouth doesn't mean my entire "diet" is out the window. It means I have to work harder when I workout. I have to eat smarter meat & veggies (put down the Nun Buns, sister). It's called balance. I don't deprive myself of things I really really want, but I try to remember this:

And yah, sometimes I just don't give a shit. Give me the goddamn cookie and nobody gets hurt. 

I said I would tell you what exercise routine I started with when I began this adventure almost 3 years ago. Is it really 2018? Damn. Time does fly the older a person gets. 

I wanted to run. Don't ask me why. I think I saw people who were runners and thought, "yes, I want that". I don't know who I was kidding. A runner, I am not. A smoker, yes. Arthritic hips? Yep. Running was not for me but I tried for quite awhile. And then I realized it was causing me more harm than good.  So I did this instead:

I started using this DVD in rehab....because it's what was there and another chick was doing it before I even arrived and it looked easy (it is not).  Once I started doing it, I wanted to do more of it. So why not get this damn DVD and incorporate it into my out-of-rehab sober life? 

I did and it worked. Sure I was clumsy and inflexible and way out of shape when I started, but after awhile, I got the hang of it and started to notice a difference once I started dropping the weight. 

When I started to see results, I wanted to see more results. I wanted to just keep going and see what I could do with my body and what it would look like and how I would feel.

Turns out, I would feel fucking sore.  

But I would also feel really really good. And that's why, when my body has reached a plateau in a workout, I've moved on to the next thing that would push me harder...and then the next...and then the next because I don't want my body to stop growing and changing. I want to see what it can do next.   

I look forward to sharing with you what came after pilates, because it did more than sculpt my shoulders and arms and abs. It saved my life (& the life of others) on more than one occasion.  I hope you'll join me. 

Love & light,

Me